Saturday, February 4, 2012

ONE MORE TIME

Still attempting to work out an opening page for this science fiction novel. I have considered presenting this tale in Cray’s POV. The female member of the conspiracy  offers a real challenge. The plotting for this novel is found under challenge.

On this glorious morning, far across the planet from the ancient ocean of Hasper Prime, the mountains of Cress raised heavenward surrounded by the violent and youthful waters of Hasper Minor. Within these mountains lay the plateau of Bree on which the Bonsigh Clan had established their secure retreat.

It was here Cray regained her maturity; again the years spent in infancy and childhood were at an end. Her intelligence restored, her body in peak condition, the Bonsigh glided from the Life Chamber into her own personal quarters.  The Womb, as her people fondly called the mindless creature, would begin to disintegrate shortly. After the first time, she never hung around to watch. The sights were horrid enough, but the smells coming from the creature after years of caring for a human body's requirements had left her nauseous for days.

During the rebirth procedure, Cray set her computer to take special care that no change took place in her physical appearance.  Cray wasn't all that fond of her genetic pattern and might have found the sameness boring over many generations, but she had become so recognizable that the tiniest deviation was unthinkable to the proud Bonsigh. Recessed within her genes were the codes for chestnut brown hair, gray or hazel irises, and a slightly darker complexion. When she was in her first life cycle all of these appealed to Cray and she sometimes temporarily adopted one or another.  But when she'd finally made her mark on the Scientific Community she'd been far too involved to bother with trivial trappings other than her hair. Each time her brain enlarged even slightly, her hair nearly disappeared and she was forced to waste precious time while its re-growth took place. Rather than chance someone might not recognize her; Cray doomed herself to wear the fiery auburn hair, green eyes, and alabaster skin for the rest of eternity--or until rebirth was denied her.  Never! She would never allow that to happen.

The Bonsigh's thoughts shifted back to earlier lifetimes when they had been major celebrities. Cray carried those memories like pictures in her multiple brain.  She savored those wonderful moments when she appeared before an adoring public sandwiched between the spectacular DeDiann, and the midget O'Enra. Always she moved a few steps ahead of her colleagues.

How the True Visionaries had sought after them. Honors and rewards had been heaped on them and rebirth was a constant guarantee. The Faculty placed copies of their research in every academy in the known universe. Dubbed the Planet Makers, they had successfully attracted an atmosphere to a planetoid.  They developed an ecosystem and eventually life crawled from its waters. Over several lifetimes, they had kept careful rein on their experiment.

Now, Cray, freshly reborn, looked ahead to her most productive of times. She would call a face-to-face meeting. In the liquid mirroring coating her chamber, her emerald eyes sparkled as she admired the flowing new auburn locks that had just been grown to cover her baldness. Yes, it was time for a Face to Face. She looked forward to the delightful tales that spewed so easily from Cabrea's mouth. The handsome DeDiann, she sighed amused by her thoughts. It had been so long since she’d enjoyed the pleasure of his company.  Their time together would be short. Cabrea would be anticipating his rest and rebirth.

Poor Meath. A nasty grin creased her mouth and she felt like a mischievous youngster. The wretch would have to suffer the indignity of returning to some semblance of a man. She didn't pity him. He was a physically lazy creature who relied too much on machines to repair his own abuses. She had so much study work ahead that she could allow him several months.

Motioning to a young student, she was content to find the lad anticipated her needs. His deft fingers quickly connected the tubes to her body that would supply nourishment and remove waste products so that his mistress's multiple brain wouldn't be interrupted as she delved into the hundreds of new reports her colleagues had furnished.

“Cabrea of the DeDiann,” the student said, “Sent a private request that you join him in a Face to Face…”

6 comments:

  1. The opening sentences are far to long winded Geri. It needs a 'hook'. :)

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    1. Thanks, I try that again if I decide to keep this as the opening. I kind of favor using Meath's POV.

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  2. I agree with jack. First sentence is way too windy and long. You don't need to mention 'morning' at all. Do that later. And 'far across the planet from the ancient ocean of Hasper Prime' is superfluous. Start here;
    The mountains of Cress rose heavenward surrounded by the violent and youthful waters of Hasper Minor.

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    1. Okay, two against one (grin). I can see where I did some over-writing...sometimes I get carried away.

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  3. A fascinating beginning and some very interesting ideas in the building of this world.

    The first paragraph could possibly be combined and shortened to one.

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  4. The first paragraph has to shrink. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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